You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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