Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
