I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
