Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
