Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
