i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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