we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
