Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
