The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Only a mothe r could love this liver
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
