I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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