i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
