I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
