So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
