my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
