Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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