If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
