So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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