Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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