Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
