Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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