love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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