I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
