You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
