I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
