I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
