I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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