why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
