Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
