my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
