Where is the hickey?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
