I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
