Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
