Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
