she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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