i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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