I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
