Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
