if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
