I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
