So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
