you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
