smell my finger.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
not ubering you a puppy
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
