is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
