BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
