I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
