I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
