I'm so fucking centered right now
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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