He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love you. Go after that dick
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
