I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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