Me. At least after what I've been through.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
