does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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