i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
