I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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